i want to be alive and actually live

i feel the fire within my soul burning out and the passion within my heart fading. most things that once inspired me now do nothing at all. i know it’s not a symptom of laziness because i yearn to do and be more, to be excited and love everyday. to be alive and actually live. not the living where you wake up and already wish your day was over, not the living with the same routine : getting your coffee, working your 9 to 5 and coming home to eat dinner alone. the living where you can’t sleep because you are so excited to wake up and carry out your day. the living where you feel good in your surroundings and never second guess the decision to be where you are. not only content and comfortable. the living where you are actually alive.

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04:37

i lay here, staring at the stars on the ceiling of my bedroom. all my material things surround me and the music fills my ears. i haven’t slept, the sun is rising. i’m in the room i have spent all my life in. and i cant help but feel like this isn’t home at all.

“Anything​ that you can honestly think and feel that you deserve must come to you.” – Frederick J. Eikerenkoetter II

We fill our bodies with poison and expect good to recycle its way back to us, we preach hatred and jealousy only for it to be reciprocated into our lives. If someone does you wrong, deceives you, wish them well for the universe will catch up with their ill intentions. Wish them well for the universe will appreciate your kind heart.

i want to write beautiful poetry about the beautiful things in the world

i want to write beautiful poetry about the beautiful things in the world,
about how when the birds are having conversations our ears only hear the melodious chirps instead of the words underneath.
i want to write beautiful poetry about the beautiful things in the world,
about how the sky paints like Monet when the Sun wants to wake up somewhere else.
i want to write beautiful poetry about the beautiful things in the world,
about how the stars in the night resemble the stars in our eyes and our hearts,
about how instinct and survival perpetuate the world.
i want to write beautiful poetry about the beautiful things in the world,
about how the kindness and compassion of others will forever overrule the hatred and greed of our society.
i want to write beautiful poetry about the beautiful things in the world,
about how balance and synergy create and maintain the bare necessities,
about how opposites attract and love and hate and hurt and healing.
i want to write beautiful poetry about the beautiful things in the world,
about how we feel so deeply about things,
about how i feel so deeply about things.

almost sixteen

i think the most difficult part about being a teenager is having every intention to be independent but an entire world stopping you from doing so. it’s being invalidated because you’re still just a kid and also creating expectations because you’re too old for that now. it’s responsibility and trust. it’s heavy mistakes and quick decisions, impulsiveness and indecisiveness. it’s confusing although everything makes just enough sense. each second flies by but the days pass so slow. most of all it’s contradicting, it’s a glass that’s both half empty and half full. it’s everything and nothing at the same time.